I am a competitive person. I love to compete: not just against other people but against myself. I like to "see" what I can do, what I can accomplish.

For many years, my competitive drive was fueled by insecurity and lack of self worth. I wanted to do well at school to please the teachers. I wanted to play golf and soccer well to be accepted by my peers, I wanted to complete marathons for the praise.

The culmination was the meltdown on the bamboo floor but there were a few signs before the meltdown; questions and angst and sickness. THEN the meltdown and subsequent realization. The realization was that I was seeking permission and approval in many aspects of my life, not just a few. And this was bothersome as I am not one to ask for permission or seek approval, from anyone.